time to smoke my breakfast
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize