I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
