His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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