Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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