I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
