The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
