I just threw up on my dentist
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
