He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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