my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
