This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
