you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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