I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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