Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
