I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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