he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
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It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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