I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am available for nakedness
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
