remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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