The maid of honor just puked.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
