Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
