Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
