Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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