I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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