I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
