wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
