I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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