he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
