Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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