Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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