i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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