I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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