am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
