Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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