So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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