Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
