I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
