Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
