I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
