i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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