What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
