I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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