We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
