she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
