Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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