Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
