He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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