Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
