I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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