Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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