I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
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