I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
