i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We had sex on a dog bed..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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