I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
