My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
