i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My ass is underappreciated
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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