Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
