new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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