i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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