Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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