everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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