i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
