why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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