I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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