He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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