Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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