Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
