I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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