Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
there is glitter all over my balls
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
