Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just high enough for therapy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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