why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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