My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
