Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
